I Have a Calling, I think.

I think God's calling me. I've been having restless nights, or having the same dream. I'm constantly thinking of going to ANTS, ever since I googled how many UCC churches there were down in Georgia for A. The closest one to her was over 70 miles away!

I've always grown up with a UCC church in every town. If there wasn't a UCC church in my town, there would be one in all of the five closest towns, if not two! So when I learned that the closest one was over 70 miles away from A, I couldn't believe it. I had this strange feeling saying that I should do something to change that. But I disregarded it. Seriously what can a 16 year old, who plans to be a librarian, do?

Then the dreams started. Me preaching, A by to my side, going to the UCC conferences and having the church be an ONA church. It seemed each night the dreams got more and more vivid. It started out as me just talking, but then other people started talking. Other people, with southern accents. Then it was me going to ANTS, and me living where there wasn't snow at all. It feels as if God is calling me. Well, it feels like God's going "CAELYN! CAELYN! OPEN YOUR DAMN EYES YOU BLIND BAT!! Do I need to send Jesus down there just to make you see your FUCKING CALLING?!" right now, but none the less I have this calling.

I feel as if I need to help the UCC spread into the south. Help them spread their ONA churches, and I want my church to be one of the first down there in the south. I'm continuing to pray, confused as heck on what to do with my life and where I should go to school, and what I want to major in. But the only thing that I can feel, that is set in stone, is going to theological school to become a minister and move down to Georgia.

Nothing Like

Nothing like divorced grandparents.

Nothing like a drunk grandfather and his wife.

Nothing like hear you step-grandmother bash your grandmother.

Nothing like having to see Him for 4 hours.

Nothing like laughing and pretending you're okay.

Nothing like being the odd-balls out.

Nothing like knowing you can't wear your favorite bracelet around your grandmother now.

Nothing like my dysfunctional family.

How to Survive Dinner With Your Grandparents: A List of Necessities by Cae

As I'm on my way to my grandparents, which will not be fun. Since He will be there and I need a little extra Prozac to survive anything with Him there. Anyways, I have a list of necessities that help me survive the family dinners and parties and what not. They're currently all in my purse, waiting to leave.

List of Necessities to Survive Dinner

• Shoes you could walk a mile in, just in case you have to go outside and walk to get away from them.


• Winter jacket, because it gets cold outside!!!!


• Books, I currently have two in my bag to focus on and read.


• iPod, music is always calming and makes me happier. Plus it tunes the family out


• Cell phone, I love texting to someone I can confide in and complain about my family. Friends, or even adults I can confide in and have them understand.

Jeff Foxworthy Redneck 12 Days Of Christmas

Great...

So I gave M my references for working at the barn. Mrs. W said that "I can't work alone". Now I know it's gonna take me forever to find another stable hand job, because Mrs. W is the only reference I have, unless I give them V but I only worked there weekly. So now I'm totally $%^@#% and am going to cry, as I need another job. I really want to work with horses, but I don't have a good reference.

YAY :D

So, after I got let go from the horse barn I went through local horse barns and sent emails to see if they were hiring. I finally got a response back from one in West Brookfield :D I'm going to give them a call tomorrow! I can't wait. I really hope that this will work out. I really need another job, and I would love lessons!

This couldn't get worse if it tried

Here I am sitting at the West Warren Library, waiting for Mama to pick me up.

I was laid off from the horse barn, because of the financial times and what not. I absolutely understand what my boss is understanding, as her husband's company is the company my father works for. R dropped them, and everything is up in the air. Then an ex-employee went with a competitor and they all of a sudden want to pick up MM, which is a complete surprise, and if they do, than that's two companies that have dropped Y. Ontop of that she's having family problems, and her middle son is living at home do to legal problems. So, I was let go because they can't afford me.

I'm sad, as I will miss "my babies". Especially Sundance. No one understands him over there. His owner is afraid of him, his wife has her own horse. Her grandkids can't ride for crap. and jerk on his reins.

This Christmas season sucks already. I'm ready for it to be over. Ontop of that, at the library there are some things happening, that I can't speak of just in case someone I know reads this, and yeah. But I'm about ready to walk home from the library without a jacket to just cry and drink coffee.

Anyways, I'm done for this Christmas season. It may leave now. Right now. I'm done with it.

Sincerely,
Cae ♥