I Have a Calling, I think.

I think God's calling me. I've been having restless nights, or having the same dream. I'm constantly thinking of going to ANTS, ever since I googled how many UCC churches there were down in Georgia for A. The closest one to her was over 70 miles away!

I've always grown up with a UCC church in every town. If there wasn't a UCC church in my town, there would be one in all of the five closest towns, if not two! So when I learned that the closest one was over 70 miles away from A, I couldn't believe it. I had this strange feeling saying that I should do something to change that. But I disregarded it. Seriously what can a 16 year old, who plans to be a librarian, do?

Then the dreams started. Me preaching, A by to my side, going to the UCC conferences and having the church be an ONA church. It seemed each night the dreams got more and more vivid. It started out as me just talking, but then other people started talking. Other people, with southern accents. Then it was me going to ANTS, and me living where there wasn't snow at all. It feels as if God is calling me. Well, it feels like God's going "CAELYN! CAELYN! OPEN YOUR DAMN EYES YOU BLIND BAT!! Do I need to send Jesus down there just to make you see your FUCKING CALLING?!" right now, but none the less I have this calling.

I feel as if I need to help the UCC spread into the south. Help them spread their ONA churches, and I want my church to be one of the first down there in the south. I'm continuing to pray, confused as heck on what to do with my life and where I should go to school, and what I want to major in. But the only thing that I can feel, that is set in stone, is going to theological school to become a minister and move down to Georgia.

Nothing Like

Nothing like divorced grandparents.

Nothing like a drunk grandfather and his wife.

Nothing like hear you step-grandmother bash your grandmother.

Nothing like having to see Him for 4 hours.

Nothing like laughing and pretending you're okay.

Nothing like being the odd-balls out.

Nothing like knowing you can't wear your favorite bracelet around your grandmother now.

Nothing like my dysfunctional family.

How to Survive Dinner With Your Grandparents: A List of Necessities by Cae

As I'm on my way to my grandparents, which will not be fun. Since He will be there and I need a little extra Prozac to survive anything with Him there. Anyways, I have a list of necessities that help me survive the family dinners and parties and what not. They're currently all in my purse, waiting to leave.

List of Necessities to Survive Dinner

• Shoes you could walk a mile in, just in case you have to go outside and walk to get away from them.


• Winter jacket, because it gets cold outside!!!!


• Books, I currently have two in my bag to focus on and read.


• iPod, music is always calming and makes me happier. Plus it tunes the family out


• Cell phone, I love texting to someone I can confide in and complain about my family. Friends, or even adults I can confide in and have them understand.

Jeff Foxworthy Redneck 12 Days Of Christmas

Great...

So I gave M my references for working at the barn. Mrs. W said that "I can't work alone". Now I know it's gonna take me forever to find another stable hand job, because Mrs. W is the only reference I have, unless I give them V but I only worked there weekly. So now I'm totally $%^@#% and am going to cry, as I need another job. I really want to work with horses, but I don't have a good reference.

YAY :D

So, after I got let go from the horse barn I went through local horse barns and sent emails to see if they were hiring. I finally got a response back from one in West Brookfield :D I'm going to give them a call tomorrow! I can't wait. I really hope that this will work out. I really need another job, and I would love lessons!

This couldn't get worse if it tried

Here I am sitting at the West Warren Library, waiting for Mama to pick me up.

I was laid off from the horse barn, because of the financial times and what not. I absolutely understand what my boss is understanding, as her husband's company is the company my father works for. R dropped them, and everything is up in the air. Then an ex-employee went with a competitor and they all of a sudden want to pick up MM, which is a complete surprise, and if they do, than that's two companies that have dropped Y. Ontop of that she's having family problems, and her middle son is living at home do to legal problems. So, I was let go because they can't afford me.

I'm sad, as I will miss "my babies". Especially Sundance. No one understands him over there. His owner is afraid of him, his wife has her own horse. Her grandkids can't ride for crap. and jerk on his reins.

This Christmas season sucks already. I'm ready for it to be over. Ontop of that, at the library there are some things happening, that I can't speak of just in case someone I know reads this, and yeah. But I'm about ready to walk home from the library without a jacket to just cry and drink coffee.

Anyways, I'm done for this Christmas season. It may leave now. Right now. I'm done with it.

Sincerely,
Cae ♥

Auf Weidershen, Sonnetanzen ♥

Well, I was let go today as the funds for my boss are very tight, which I understand since her husband is my daddy's boss and I know what's going on within the buisness, and paying for a stable hand is nonsense, when you can do it yourself. At the same time her son is living with her because of legal issues.

So I'm no longer a stable hand, and I wish I could lease Sundance, but I'm going to find another stable to work at and I know I'll be able to find a stable to work at, and Sundance, you will never be replaced. You have touched my heart and saved my life ♥ You're amazing, and buck everyone off until they understand you.



Cae ♥

Anonymous - Message for love

Anonymous - Operation Blackout

Second fall, same as the first, a little bit harder, and a whole lot worse.

Fell off of Sundance today, it wasnt his fault. The look in his eyes as he saw me on the ground crying he nuzzled up to me. Why cant he be mine?

Yup, I fell off. I don't mind I told Sundance it wasn't his fault, but his owners don't understand him. My trainer says "he doesn't spook", yeah, that's totally why I got bucked off today and was ran into a tree after he reared a couple weeks back. Nope, the mustang doesn't spook at all. So now not only do I need a new helmet, but I need a new trainer who will actually believe me when I tell her that Sundance does spook,

but is over all a good horse. I need a trainer, who when I use the commands that my boss, Sundance's owner taught me, won't yell at me for using as "their not proper". Bullshit. If that's how Sundance was trained goddammit, than those are the fucking commands I'm going to use on him. Kay? Good.

Jake said he'll get me a new helmet for Christmas & my birthday which is alright, as a cheap one is like $50 :) But, I'm so lucky I had the helmet on. I hit that ground so hard, I'm actually questioning if I have a slight concussion from the hit. My helmet had already been through one fall, and is about 8 years old, so I needed a new one as the protection foam was disintegrating, I just didn't plan on forcing the need of a new one, by falling off a horse and onto a couple rocks.

If there's one thing that my old trainer Jen taught me, was that it's never the horses fault. It's always you. I made sure Sundance knew that I wasn't mad at him. I was mad at Otis (the dog who spooked Sundance). And I told Sundance that he did everything right and I still loved him. He even let me give him a kiss :)

Now, I just have to find a trainer who will travel out to Timbuktu and has worked with Mustangs and will listen to me.

Cae ♥

PS. for those wondering, this is what Sundance looks like :)

I can’t take it any longer

Thought that we were stronger

All we do is linger

Slipping through our fingers

I don’t want to try now

All that’s left is goodbye to

Find a way that I can tell you

I hate this part right here

I hate this part right here

I just can’t take your tears

I hate this part right here

Untitled

I would title this, but I can't. I'm not allowed to as I don't want to fuel the rumors going around the fire world. Daddy got off of the phone with R about the new dealership. The guy starting it is from the T devision from G. I couldn't feel more sick to my stomach if I wanted to. I hate all of this.

They just want Daddy to go on as a salesman, so it'd be a pay-cut, probably. Daddy doesn't know. He's meeting with M, who's starting the new company next Wednesday, he'll know more information about it. At the same time, Daddy and Mr. W are going out to visit MBW in the near future. I won't have to move those, so I guess that's good. Right?

I hate. Absolutely hate. Close minded. Homophobic. People.

I do. I absolutely do. Especially when they're someone's parents. I understand it's normal to write the opposite gender's title, but if you know that your daughter, for example, is bisexual then when you blog about her being "whisked away" put boyfriend/girlfriend. No one cares about the fact your daughter is bisexual, the only one that does is your daughter and her girlfriend (that'd be me, who's currently ranting). So next time you're daughter may have a boyfriend who will whisk her away to spend the holiday with his people. remember that she doesn't just like boys.

And on another note, way to kill my day future ma-in-law. Clearly you "adore" A, and he's so amazing. You just haven't seen how amazing I am yet.

That is all from this very annoyed little girlfriend, who lives far, far, away.

Dear Government,

Not all middle class citizens are first generation college students. Not all middle class citizens can afford everything. Not all middle class citizens breeze through life without feeling the pinch of not having enough money. Not all middle class citizens can afford the $600 per 3 credit community college class and go to college full time. Not all middle class citizens can pay their taxes without skipping grocery shopping, or fueling their car up. Not all middle class citizens are the same.

So please stop saying we are, and saying we’re better than the lower class and worse than the upper class. Because some of us can’t afford it. Some of us happen to struggle through our lives to get our damn college education and all we want is to give the same to our children, but you’re preventing us from doing so. So please stop giving us more gray hairs, and making us skip eating as we have to pay taxes to you.

Sincerely,

Broke college student who can’t afford class for next semester and can’t get dual enrollment as her mother went to college.

Two Lesbians Raised A Baby And This Is What They Got

Two Lesbians Raised A Baby And This Is What They Got

Amen! I love this