I Have a Calling, I think.

I think God's calling me. I've been having restless nights, or having the same dream. I'm constantly thinking of going to ANTS, ever since I googled how many UCC churches there were down in Georgia for A. The closest one to her was over 70 miles away!

I've always grown up with a UCC church in every town. If there wasn't a UCC church in my town, there would be one in all of the five closest towns, if not two! So when I learned that the closest one was over 70 miles away from A, I couldn't believe it. I had this strange feeling saying that I should do something to change that. But I disregarded it. Seriously what can a 16 year old, who plans to be a librarian, do?

Then the dreams started. Me preaching, A by to my side, going to the UCC conferences and having the church be an ONA church. It seemed each night the dreams got more and more vivid. It started out as me just talking, but then other people started talking. Other people, with southern accents. Then it was me going to ANTS, and me living where there wasn't snow at all. It feels as if God is calling me. Well, it feels like God's going "CAELYN! CAELYN! OPEN YOUR DAMN EYES YOU BLIND BAT!! Do I need to send Jesus down there just to make you see your FUCKING CALLING?!" right now, but none the less I have this calling.

I feel as if I need to help the UCC spread into the south. Help them spread their ONA churches, and I want my church to be one of the first down there in the south. I'm continuing to pray, confused as heck on what to do with my life and where I should go to school, and what I want to major in. But the only thing that I can feel, that is set in stone, is going to theological school to become a minister and move down to Georgia.

Nothing Like

Nothing like divorced grandparents.

Nothing like a drunk grandfather and his wife.

Nothing like hear you step-grandmother bash your grandmother.

Nothing like having to see Him for 4 hours.

Nothing like laughing and pretending you're okay.

Nothing like being the odd-balls out.

Nothing like knowing you can't wear your favorite bracelet around your grandmother now.

Nothing like my dysfunctional family.

How to Survive Dinner With Your Grandparents: A List of Necessities by Cae

As I'm on my way to my grandparents, which will not be fun. Since He will be there and I need a little extra Prozac to survive anything with Him there. Anyways, I have a list of necessities that help me survive the family dinners and parties and what not. They're currently all in my purse, waiting to leave.

List of Necessities to Survive Dinner

• Shoes you could walk a mile in, just in case you have to go outside and walk to get away from them.


• Winter jacket, because it gets cold outside!!!!


• Books, I currently have two in my bag to focus on and read.


• iPod, music is always calming and makes me happier. Plus it tunes the family out


• Cell phone, I love texting to someone I can confide in and complain about my family. Friends, or even adults I can confide in and have them understand.

Jeff Foxworthy Redneck 12 Days Of Christmas

Great...

So I gave M my references for working at the barn. Mrs. W said that "I can't work alone". Now I know it's gonna take me forever to find another stable hand job, because Mrs. W is the only reference I have, unless I give them V but I only worked there weekly. So now I'm totally $%^@#% and am going to cry, as I need another job. I really want to work with horses, but I don't have a good reference.

YAY :D

So, after I got let go from the horse barn I went through local horse barns and sent emails to see if they were hiring. I finally got a response back from one in West Brookfield :D I'm going to give them a call tomorrow! I can't wait. I really hope that this will work out. I really need another job, and I would love lessons!

This couldn't get worse if it tried

Here I am sitting at the West Warren Library, waiting for Mama to pick me up.

I was laid off from the horse barn, because of the financial times and what not. I absolutely understand what my boss is understanding, as her husband's company is the company my father works for. R dropped them, and everything is up in the air. Then an ex-employee went with a competitor and they all of a sudden want to pick up MM, which is a complete surprise, and if they do, than that's two companies that have dropped Y. Ontop of that she's having family problems, and her middle son is living at home do to legal problems. So, I was let go because they can't afford me.

I'm sad, as I will miss "my babies". Especially Sundance. No one understands him over there. His owner is afraid of him, his wife has her own horse. Her grandkids can't ride for crap. and jerk on his reins.

This Christmas season sucks already. I'm ready for it to be over. Ontop of that, at the library there are some things happening, that I can't speak of just in case someone I know reads this, and yeah. But I'm about ready to walk home from the library without a jacket to just cry and drink coffee.

Anyways, I'm done for this Christmas season. It may leave now. Right now. I'm done with it.

Sincerely,
Cae ♥

Auf Weidershen, Sonnetanzen ♥

Well, I was let go today as the funds for my boss are very tight, which I understand since her husband is my daddy's boss and I know what's going on within the buisness, and paying for a stable hand is nonsense, when you can do it yourself. At the same time her son is living with her because of legal issues.

So I'm no longer a stable hand, and I wish I could lease Sundance, but I'm going to find another stable to work at and I know I'll be able to find a stable to work at, and Sundance, you will never be replaced. You have touched my heart and saved my life ♥ You're amazing, and buck everyone off until they understand you.



Cae ♥

Anonymous - Message for love

Anonymous - Operation Blackout

Second fall, same as the first, a little bit harder, and a whole lot worse.

Fell off of Sundance today, it wasnt his fault. The look in his eyes as he saw me on the ground crying he nuzzled up to me. Why cant he be mine?

Yup, I fell off. I don't mind I told Sundance it wasn't his fault, but his owners don't understand him. My trainer says "he doesn't spook", yeah, that's totally why I got bucked off today and was ran into a tree after he reared a couple weeks back. Nope, the mustang doesn't spook at all. So now not only do I need a new helmet, but I need a new trainer who will actually believe me when I tell her that Sundance does spook,

but is over all a good horse. I need a trainer, who when I use the commands that my boss, Sundance's owner taught me, won't yell at me for using as "their not proper". Bullshit. If that's how Sundance was trained goddammit, than those are the fucking commands I'm going to use on him. Kay? Good.

Jake said he'll get me a new helmet for Christmas & my birthday which is alright, as a cheap one is like $50 :) But, I'm so lucky I had the helmet on. I hit that ground so hard, I'm actually questioning if I have a slight concussion from the hit. My helmet had already been through one fall, and is about 8 years old, so I needed a new one as the protection foam was disintegrating, I just didn't plan on forcing the need of a new one, by falling off a horse and onto a couple rocks.

If there's one thing that my old trainer Jen taught me, was that it's never the horses fault. It's always you. I made sure Sundance knew that I wasn't mad at him. I was mad at Otis (the dog who spooked Sundance). And I told Sundance that he did everything right and I still loved him. He even let me give him a kiss :)

Now, I just have to find a trainer who will travel out to Timbuktu and has worked with Mustangs and will listen to me.

Cae ♥

PS. for those wondering, this is what Sundance looks like :)

I can’t take it any longer

Thought that we were stronger

All we do is linger

Slipping through our fingers

I don’t want to try now

All that’s left is goodbye to

Find a way that I can tell you

I hate this part right here

I hate this part right here

I just can’t take your tears

I hate this part right here

Untitled

I would title this, but I can't. I'm not allowed to as I don't want to fuel the rumors going around the fire world. Daddy got off of the phone with R about the new dealership. The guy starting it is from the T devision from G. I couldn't feel more sick to my stomach if I wanted to. I hate all of this.

They just want Daddy to go on as a salesman, so it'd be a pay-cut, probably. Daddy doesn't know. He's meeting with M, who's starting the new company next Wednesday, he'll know more information about it. At the same time, Daddy and Mr. W are going out to visit MBW in the near future. I won't have to move those, so I guess that's good. Right?

I hate. Absolutely hate. Close minded. Homophobic. People.

I do. I absolutely do. Especially when they're someone's parents. I understand it's normal to write the opposite gender's title, but if you know that your daughter, for example, is bisexual then when you blog about her being "whisked away" put boyfriend/girlfriend. No one cares about the fact your daughter is bisexual, the only one that does is your daughter and her girlfriend (that'd be me, who's currently ranting). So next time you're daughter may have a boyfriend who will whisk her away to spend the holiday with his people. remember that she doesn't just like boys.

And on another note, way to kill my day future ma-in-law. Clearly you "adore" A, and he's so amazing. You just haven't seen how amazing I am yet.

That is all from this very annoyed little girlfriend, who lives far, far, away.

Dear Government,

Not all middle class citizens are first generation college students. Not all middle class citizens can afford everything. Not all middle class citizens breeze through life without feeling the pinch of not having enough money. Not all middle class citizens can afford the $600 per 3 credit community college class and go to college full time. Not all middle class citizens can pay their taxes without skipping grocery shopping, or fueling their car up. Not all middle class citizens are the same.

So please stop saying we are, and saying we’re better than the lower class and worse than the upper class. Because some of us can’t afford it. Some of us happen to struggle through our lives to get our damn college education and all we want is to give the same to our children, but you’re preventing us from doing so. So please stop giving us more gray hairs, and making us skip eating as we have to pay taxes to you.

Sincerely,

Broke college student who can’t afford class for next semester and can’t get dual enrollment as her mother went to college.

Two Lesbians Raised A Baby And This Is What They Got

Two Lesbians Raised A Baby And This Is What They Got

Amen! I love this

WBTBWB - Der kleine Vampir

Smash - Preview

Glee - Leaving On A Jet Plane (FULL HQ STUDIO)

Reaching Out in the Midst of Disaster

Reaching Out in the Midst of Disaster

Govenment Censoring the Internet

I ████████ can’t ████████ understand ████████ your ████████ accent ████████████████████████████████

If we let the government censor the internet, what's going to be next? The right of free speech? The right of bearing arms? The right of religious freedom? Our government has strayed so far away from what our founding fathers created this country on. But we should have expected it with the church and state separation. When the pledge didn't end with Amen anymore. When gun control got stricter. We've had warning signs Americans, we've just failed to do anything about it and now my dear Americans, you're making a world that I can't change when I can vote. You're making a world where I'll be telling my kids "I remember the time when this country was a free land". You better change it now before the government takes all of your voice. As a famous man once said, "And the truth is, there is something terribly wrong with this country, isn't there? Cruelty and injustice, intolerance and oppression. And where once you had the freedom to object, to think and speak as you saw fit, you now have censors and systems of surveillance coercing your conformity and soliciting your submission. How did this happen? Who's to blame? Well certainly there are those more responsible than others, and they will be held accountable, but again truth be told, if you're looking for the guilty, you need only look into a mirror. I know why you did it. I know you were afraid. Who wouldn't be? War, terror, disease. There were a myriad of problems which conspired to corrupt your reason and rob you of your common sense. Fear got the best of you, and in your panic you turned to the now high chancellor, Adam Sutler. He promised you order, he promised you peace, and all he demanded in return was your silent, obedient consent." and this same man also said "People should not be afraid of their governments. Governments should be afraid of their people."

Adele - Rolling in the Deep (Piano/Cello Cover)

Bring Him Home - Les Misérables - Jon Schmidt & Steven Sharp Nelson - Th...

The Muppets: Bohemian Rhapsody

Charlie Brown Medley - Linus and Lucy - Jon Schmidt & Steven Sharp Nelso...

Nearer My God to Thee (for 9 cellos) Steven Sharp Nelson

Jill

Jill E. (jill-eeeeee) as I called you once I figured out your middle inital. You were amazing. You touched so many hearts including mine. You grew my love of the arts. You made me into a better singer and actor. You were there to listen when AJ first asked me out, to when I broke up with AJ, and when he finally broke up with me. You were there the night my house got an offer. It was a Tuesday night, choir night. I had to leave the choir room once because I just couldn't handle it. Then after choir, I cried on your shoulder for 30 minutes about how unfair life is and how I didn't want to leave Durham and how I didn't want to move to Massachusetts. But you told me that MA isn't that bad, and if it was you would adopt me :)

You're my second mother, always will be. You started a list of second mothers that is now 8 deep. But you will always be the first and no one can ever change that. Your memorable quotes, like "That was possibly not horrible at all" I will always remember, especially when I'm practicing a new song.

May heaven have an endless supply of peeps, an organ, and your favorite sheet music and we will meet again, when the time is right. I promise. I know this is of your doing, so I'll thank you too. Thank you for having baby Hunter enter the world as a perfect precious baby boy.

May you rest in peace Jill Riggles ♥

Starbucks Rap

Justin Bieber Doll Commercial.

What has this world come to?!

I need your help!

Hi guys!

So I'm planning to do a Freeze Mob at the Holyoke Mall for Operation Christmas Child. I was wondering if you'd be interested in helping me pull this off. I don't have a date set, but it'd be pretty soon.

Operation Christmas Child is a program run by Samaritans Purse. People and churches all over the country pack shoe-boxes that will then be shipped all over the world to children who need the simplest gifts, like a toothbrush.

If you want to learn more about Operation Christmas Child check them out at http://www.samaritanspurse.org/index.php/OCC/

Thanks,

Caelyn

Camp

Life long friendships made.

Inside jokes that fill up notebooks.

Changing lyrics to keep the song appropriate.

Giggling until two in the morning.

RBT taking more than a couple minutes and ending up totally off topic.

Quotes that will make you laugh until the day you die.

Boating in the rain and having the best time!

Having a Taylor Swift sing-off with the closest unit.

Making S’mores with the camp director while the rest of the camp sleeps.

Countless friendship bracelets made and requested.

Life long friends found.

Please Vote For My Friend Elle

beingbelle:

I’ve entered a competition… I am currently ranked 10th and need to be in the top 5 to go through!

10!!!! I’M SO CLOSE!!!!

Basically… if you click here, and vote (it takes about a minute tops)…

I COULD WIN!

Please, please, please take a minute out of your day. Reblog, vote, tell your friends, anything… It would make my day!

Let me know if you do, and I’ll promote you to 9,700 followers… and love you forever.

Guys, Elle is amazing, please vote for her and make her dream come true! Please please please vote for her!

Faith.

My faith is a lot like this ring. It's been batted and bruised. Lost and found. Loved and forgotten. Ran over and twisted. Dropped and missed. But never once has it been broken. Never once has the love of God let me lose my faith in him forever. Not once have I ever lost this ring forever. I'll through a rough patch in my life and I'll start to lose faith. Question God. Why is this happening to me and my family. But like my ring, I will always find it again.

Last winter while walking my dog, Max, the snow wasn't very deep and was very fluffy. Well, I made a snowball with my right hand, and tossed it in the air. While I was trying to get the snow off of my bare hand, I was flinging my hand around, the ring slid off and into the snow. I searched everywhere for it. I couldn't find it.

I cried for losing the ring, and so it sat in the snow.

It's probably been pooped on.

It's been ran over by both bike and car.

It's been dropped.

It's been twisted.

It's been looked at.

It's been over-looked.

It's been lost.

It's been loved.

It's been missed.

It's been found.

It's been forgotten.

This ring is a symbol of my faith. My faith has been through the same things that this ring has. I didn't plan on wearing the ring, I found it by accident this morning and when I looked at it, and it was far from perfect I thought of how it represents my faith, and I slid it's battered-self onto my finger.

No matter how many time you may lose your faith or your way, Jesus is searching for you. He will find you.

Cae

Every Thing on It by Shel Silverstein

Shel Silverstein is my favorite author. I love all of his poems. My favorite one is NO! from Falling Up, so when I heard that Every Thing on It was coming out. I freaked out! When I saw it come into work, I was even more happy! It's currently on my counter. I've read it, and it's just as amazing. My favorite one so far is How Hungry is Polly?

"I'm so hungry I could eat a horse,"
Said Polly in the park.
Ol' Dobbin, grazin' nearby,
Overheard her rude remark.
He shook his mane and pawed the ground,
He raised his noble head,
He snorted and looked down at her,
And this is what he said:
"I've been ridden, I've been driven,
I've been raced around a track,
I've been photographed with little
Whiny kiddies on my back.
I've pulled wagons through the winter,
I've pulled sleighs and I've pulled sleds,
I've pulled plows in sticky summers
With flies buzzin' 'round my head.
I've been whipped and I've been beaten,
I've been called a such-and-such---
But to think of being eaten,
Well, that is really too much!
And when I get insulted,
My appetite runs wild,
And now I feel so hungry,
I could eat a child."

As a person who works with horses, I loved this. I shared this with my barn director. I also, love the one Every Thing On It, the poem that the book is named after!

I asked for a hot dog
With everything on it,
'Cause it came with a parrot,

A bee in a bonnet,
A wristwatch, a wrench, and a rake.
A flag, and a fiddle,
A frog, and a front porch swing,
And a mouse in a mask----
That's the last time I ask
For a hot dog with everything.
The first poem in the book is Years From Now, as I read this I thought of Shel, dead for 12 years. Read this poem, and tell me what you think.
Although I cannot see your face
As you flip these poems awhile,
Somewhere from some far-off place
I hear you laughing---and I smile.

The last poem is called When I am Gone. It is just as amazing as the first poem.

When I am gone what will you do?
Who will write and draw for you?
Someone smarter---someone new?
Someone better----maybe YOU!

This is a wonderful book to add to your person library, or your public library stacks. Every Thing On It, is worth it, and you will bring smiles to your family, or your patrons, for many years to come!

Cae

Brimfield Tornado

Although it's been over a couple months, there's still so much more work to get done. Brimfield will never look the same.

Why the change of the blog?

As some of you might notice, I changed the title to my blog this morning while giving it a new look. Why this change you ask? Well, as a kid, mum and I would talk over tea. She would have coffee usually, and I'd have tea. Now, I'm a teenager, and mum and I quite frequently talk over coffee. Or in my language, caffeine :) So I thought that the blog should change with me. It should grow with me. It should show my readers that I'm changing as a blogger and maturing as a blogger.

So now introducing, Let's Chat Over a Cup of Caffeine!!

Enjoy :)

A little laugh for the day

Weddings, Rally Sundays, Oh My!

My weekend started off yesterday morning getting the finishing touches for a wedding gift and for my family to finish getting their outfits.

Note: I got my dress last weekend, at Khol's and it's ah-mah-zing!!! Don't you think?

Anyways, we were working of getting the final touches, and whatnot. Then we actually got to go to the wedding! I was doing a reading that was very dear to my grandparents, so I was kind of nervous that I was going to mess it up.

Right before the wedding started, I fell (yes I was wearing 3" heels outside), laughed, and then noticed that my stockings were grass stained. I knew that it would not be good to wear grass stained stockings, so I changed out of the stockings, and just stayed that way.

When the wedding started, it was absolutely beautiful. Memere was gorgeous and all of the men were very handsome in their jackets and everything. The ceremony was amazing, the weather held and having it outside made it even better. There were a couple readings, done by myself, and memere's sisters. The minister, had a relationship with memere, and she added her own personal touch. It was really nice. All, in all, the wedding was amazing.

Today was Rally Sunday at church!! Last year, we did the Rally Sunday outside of the church, and then afterwards, everyone went to Cook's Orchard. We joked that we should have church here next year for the Rally Sunday. Well, this year we did it at Cook's Orchard! It was amazing :) We had the bell choir play, Ian play the guitar, and a surprise visit from a bluegrass band that played at Cook's last night.

What made it even better, not only was Cindy there, but Pam (and her cute little 7 month old Gracie) came also :) I haven't seen Pam in a while, so it was amazing to spend time with her! I also loved seeing little Nat, who ran for me for a hug :)

Little Gracie with Auntie Cindy :)

The church service was amazing. It felt normal to be outside, spreading God's word. It was just absolutely amazing! We also had a lot more people to come to church, which was a huge plus :)

Now, Mum and I are back from Cook's, she picked some tomatoes, and is making some home-made tomato sauce, and the bread is being made in the bread machine :) I know dinner tonight will be very yummy :)

L.O.V.E

L is for the way you laugh at me.

O is for the old way you looked at me.

V is for the vacancy in my heart.

E is for everyone, but me.

Who would of thought love was so painful.

Photography

Pictures say a thousand words.

They capture happiness.

They capture sadness.

They capture love.

They capture hope.

Pictures tell a story.

Each and everyone of them.

They hold a memory.

They hold your life.

Live well.

Laugh often.

Love much.

Take pictures constantly.

Life's Gettin Better

So I had a doctor’s appointment today, and I just told my father how broke I was, and how I wish I had some extra cash. Well after my doctors appointment I went back to dad’s shop. While I was talking to Dad, his boss came in and asked me if I wanted a part-time job and if I liked horses. I looked at him and said “Yeah, why?”

Keith then explained how his stable hand just gave them 30 days notice. He only has three horses, but I’d be getting $10 an hour working with horses and whatnot. I absolutely love it!

Well, while I was calculating it at work, I realized that means on average I’dbe making $300 every two weeks. Which would deff. help me a lot! I’m really hoping that I’ll get the job with the horses. Plus, it’s only PT, only 8 hours a week at minimum and hours are flexible!! It couldn’t get better!

Pink Dear Mr President Official Music Video

Dear Mr. President

On 9/11. . .

I can’t remember. Unlike most people I don’t have a memory of it. I was in school. That’s all I know. I can’t tell you if we had the TV on or if an aide came running into the room. I can’t tell you at all. I hate how my friends can tell you, but here I am needing my parents to tell me where the fuck I was. I don’t know. I would prefer to know.

I know some people will read this and will go “Why the hell do you wish that?” I wish it, because then I wouldn’t have to put my parents through so much stress by watching documentary after documentary because I just want to know what happened that day. I hate this not knowing. I hate it.

That’s why I watch the documentaries. To attempt to understand what happened. To fill in the blanks.

Have Coke

Copyright

Gah, I have a lot of pictures that need my copyright on it. . .Off off and away. Maybe I'll give you some pictures to see my lovely skills. Especially with my very lame point and shoot camera. I'm really hoping to get a new, better, camera :) Any suggestions?

Now Introducting, Au Revoir Photography

Introducing Au Revoir Photography!

Well, I've gotten into some photography, and have myself up on DeviantArt, you can click here if you would like to see my prints, or my gallery you can click here. Here's a slideshow of my work. I hope you enjoy :)

Welcome Back to the Work, We Missed You. . .

these are just the people I had to call. I had three overflowing boxes to check in

So that's what greeted me this morning, after a morning of work at the barn with cleaning sticks up that were thrown across the path to the riding ring from Irene, and catching Little Lulu. I walked into work, walking my bike in because my bike lock was in mum's car. No one ever said I was bright ;) Anyways, I noticed the three full, overflowing, boxes that were sitting going "HA! You came in later than usual. Pay backs a bitch, aint it. I want to see you get this all done before Mrs. M comes in at 3!"

Needless to say, when I shoved my bike into the office, I turned and saw that my boss bought some of the books for the YA section I recommended her to buy. I was happy :) I now have something to read!! Of course, come next Thursday and I start my first college class, German, I don't really know how much time I'll have, but I'll make it work somehow.

Well, I walked out and attempted to carry all three boxes to the desk, yeah that failed. I'm pretty sure ya'll knew that, but just wanted to say. I fell, and books, bins, and movies went flying. The fall also didn't help my injured ankle, but I got back up, quickly shoved the books and movies back into the bins and took one bin by one bin over to the desk, so I could start checking them in.

When I finally started checking them all in, and noticed that a lot of them were either for the library on the other end of town or are holds. I realized I would be making a lot of phone calls today. . .I was determined to get everything done by 3 though.

Although the piles of the books to be shelved, books going to the other library, and books that are holds surrounded me and were at least a couple feet high and frankly looked a little daunting. I knew that I may be able to at least get my piles down to half by 3. I slowly, but confidently, attacked each pile. While listening to Adele's album 19, it came in for me :). I was floating around the library like a little hummingbird. Shelving a Stephen King book here and an Sara Dessen book there. I knew that maybe, I'd be able to get through this long day.

Lo, and behold. Not only did I shelve everything, get the holds called, and fixed the books going to the other side of the town. I also found all of the 19 holds, checked them in, and was able to help the handful of patrons that decided to come in right at noon.

Needless to say, work has surely missed its fellow librarian, while she was out partying at camp for 6 weeks, and then the beach for half a week. I do have to say I miss it too. Although work can cause me countless headaches with patrons not returning the cd with the case. All I need is a patron to come in and ask me how my day is going to make working at the library all the worth.

~Cae

How to Deal With Someone Else's Shit.

First, load all of the shit into a pile. Make sure you have it all, and none of it falls out!

Second, move all of the shit and just dump it. Let it all go. But make sure, there's none left on you, because then it'll stick and smell and you'll catch a whiff of it here and there, but can never get it off.

Lastly, walk away. Leave it be, and enjoy the rest of your life.

Also, you don't want to play in it. You don't want to dance in it. You don't want to have fun and get all smell within the shit. So just leave it be, and don't dwell on it.

That is how you deal with someone else's shit.

Wednesday Hodgepodge

1. Do you think the world became a more dangerous place on September 11, 2001 or did we just become more aware of the danger? How has your own life changed as a result of that day? I believe that the world has always been a dangerous place. It wasn't the first terrorist attack in America, but it was the first one that caused so many casualties, touched so many lives, and changed the New York skyline. I think that we just became more aware of what other people are capable are of, and realized that we may need to step up security in specific places.

I was young on 9/11, so I can't really say it affected me as much as it has my mum or dad, but it has made me grow up in a society that: was always at war. In fear that something like 9/11 might happen again. And in a society that has more security to get from one place to another. 9/11 hasn't really hit me, until about last year when I watched documentaries on 9/11 and Ground Zero, and that's when it hit me. I know it being the 10 year anniversary it'll be a little harder for me this year, but I know that the New York skyline will no longer have a hole in it since watching The Rising: Rebuilding Ground Zero.

2. Did you think your parents were too strict when you were growing up? How about in hindsight? I'm still growing up, but there are sometimes when my parents can drive me absolutely insane with their strictness. But there are sometimes when it's alright. It really boils down to them loving me, and I guess sometimes I just need to realize that even when they say "no".

3. Share one random but candid fact about yourself. I can score 0 in the game snake.

4. Would your nearest and dearest describe you as simple or far too complicated? I don't have a nearest and dearest, but if I did it would probably be far too complicated :)

5. What is your favorite stadium or carnival food? Fried dough, from the Durham Fair.

6. Tornado, hurricane, earthquake...how many of these natural disasters have you experienced? Which event do you think would be the scariest? Tornado, June 1st. Hurricane, August 28th. Earthquake, I was at the beach I didn't feel it but my mum and dad did. I would say there's a toss up between the tornado and hurricane. I've never experienced either before this summer, so the tornado was the scariest because I didn't know what to do, and it just came out of no where, and my dad and bro #1 were out at an Eagle Scout Project and weren't picking up their cell and then they decided to drive back home during the tornado! But, the hurricane this past weekend was scary because I didn't know how it would affect us, and I didn't know how badly it would hurt Brimfield, which was hurt in the tornado. So it's kind of equal. I wouldn't want to go through another one.

7. Labor Day weekend is approaching so a work related question seems appropriate. Growing up, did your parents assign you regular chores? Were you paid for doing those chores? If you're a parent do you assign chores to your own children? Why or why not? When I was little, like 5 I would get money if I had a clean room and my bed was made and blah blah blah. But I didn't need the money when I was 5 so why would I do it? Now that I'm a teen, and need the money, and attempt to keep a clean-ish room on top of my other chores like doing the dishes, sweeping, and the kitty litter, I don't get money or even a weekly allowance :( I guess having a job does help with the income, but a little extra money would be nice :)

That last question was inspired by a post Mindee wrote on Monday. Everyone go say hi to Mindee-she blogs at Our Front Door and she's funny.

8. I don't have a random thought. Well at least not right now, I lied. I'm in the middle of reading this amazing book! It's called The Gathering by Kelly Armstong. It's about this teen girl, who lives in this medical research town in Canada and was adopted and has no clue about her background except for the fact that she's a native. She goes to get a tattoo of her paw print birthmark and the tattoo artist's aunt calls the teen a witch and say she isn't part of the tribe that she thinks of. At the same time she's trying to solve her best friends death, an amazing swimmer who drowned in the lake last year.

I'm only half way through it, but it is absolutely amazing :)

Why Hello There

Wow, so I'm Cae. We might have met before, but I can't remember. It seems like it was such a long time ago. Life has gone on in my world. My summer was either tornado relief or summer camp. I was at Girl Scout camp for 6 weeks. It was the best 6 weeks ever! I absolutely loved it!! There are so many inside jokes, and laughs that were shared. Countless nights when I was up past lights out. The CITs were like usual, crazy and wild, and completely camp inappropriate ;) But that's what makes it fun :)

Anyways, I'll get back to ya'll in the near future. Love you ♥

Reflections on Romans 11 - First Congregational Church of Brimfield, MA ...

Hurricane Irene

It Gets Better: Caelyn from Massachusetts

Let Me Just Tell You Something

There’s no such thing as gay marriage. In fact gay marriage is a made up thing, because when I marry my girlfriend. I will not be sending out wedding invites that say “please join Cae & A in the celebration of joining their lives together with gay marriage” I will just say marriage. Because that’s exactly what it is. It’s marriage. Nothing else. There’s no difference between marriage and same-sex marriage. You’re marrying the person you love. So what if she’s a female and you’re a female. Who cares?

New York just passed their Gay marriage law, and all my friends are commenting how congrats to all the gays. Here I am going “There’s no such thing as gay marriage. I just call it marriage.”

We’re obsessed with labels here in America. You can’t tell me we’re not! If you see a black girl walking down the street, you’re gonna thing “nigger”. If you see an over-weight person walking down the street, you’re gonna think “fat cow,” or something to that aspect. If you see some dressed in black, and listens to music you don’t enjoy, you’re gonna call them “emo”. You see two girls holding hands, you’re gonna call them “fags”. Have you ever just thought that you don’t know more than what you see?

You’re judging a book by it’s cover. You don’t know the skinny girl from the one who battles with an eating disorder. You can’t tell the difference between a gay couple and two friends that are practically sisters. You can’t tell, and you never will tell until you get to know those people.

We’re like books, you see. We come in different shapes and sizes, we smell differently, we even come in different colors. We all have a different story within, but some may mimic each other at times. You’ll never fully know why they are the way they are, until you understand the ins and outs of their lives. You won’t understand why their “pages” are worn until you see how many people have handled the book. And even after you’ve read it. You won’t know everything about the book, because you weren’t the one who put the ink on the paper.

So next time you’re walking down the street and you see someone that don’t dress the same as you, don’t label them. Because there’s someone on that street labeling you, and if you knew it you wouldn’t like it.

Maybe, just maybe, we can get to the point were Americans will limit their labeling people, and we can lower to amount of self-harmers, people with eating disorders, suicidal people, because you know what? Words hurt just as bad as sticks and stones.

Brimfield Tornado

This is my video, made out of the pictures I've taken from a friends house and her street.

What to blog about?

So I'm at a block. A writer's block. There is absolutely nothing amazing in my life to blog about. Don't get me wrong. I'm busy beyond belief infact I barely have time to breath! But there isn't anything new and exciting in my life, just well, here I sang a solo last Sunday at church. It was Children's Sunday and my baby brother (bro #1) got confirmed.

The Sunday school teachers (I included) created the service. We planned it, and made the bulletins, and assigned parts, we did everything. By the time Sunday came we didn't have one full practice, and Miss Cae here didn't practice her solo more than once, oops ;) Well we did a run through at 9, and it went well. When we got to my solo we tried to have me sing with Pearl, one of the students. Pearl was playing the piano and I would be sining. Let me just say it is really really hard to match your speed to the piano. As a singer I'm used to the piano matching my speed, so when I tried to match Pearl's speed not only did I completely mess up the timing, but I messed up the lyrics. I looked at Mom and simply said "I can't do it. Please, let me do it a Capella."

Mom understood, as a singer herself, and let me sing it a Capella. So my second try, a Capella, was absolutely amazing. It even gave me goosebumps. One of the children told their mother that I should be on American Idol. I love the kids I get to teach :)

When the service finally started, and it went all good. No problems at all. We've noticed that whenever we feel stressed that something the Sunday school is doing something and we haven't practiced, it always comes out great. I guess we should keep in mind we're in church, and are a Sunday school. But yet, it always amazes us.

Anyway, when it got to my solo, Pearl played the first verse and then I was going to re-sing the first verse a Capella. Well the congregation missed the memo in the bulletin and decided to join me in the first verse. It was a great way to ease my nerves, and by the important part for me they all got the hint and shut up. By the end of my solo I felt great and was really happy that I did fairly well.

So, you're probably gonna want to hear this solo now that I've completely made it my whole blog post. Well I'm one step ahead of you and already uploaded it onto my Youtube account and I might as well add it onto my blog for ya'll to hear.

God bless,
Cae

Did you ever wonder?

Did you ever wonder why God doesn't stop us from screwing up some of the best things in our lives?

Clearly he knows the outcome. He'll know that when you send that one message to a friend (girlfriend) and it ruins your relationship. He knows that you'll spend days crying. He knows that you'll try to fix everything. But He'll know that nothing will work out. He knows that you and this friend will just get in more arguments over the stupidest of things.

So why doesn't God stop you from sending that one message? Why does He let you go through all of the pain that it causes you? Why does He let you lose hours of sleep because she's on your mind? Why?

Don't you ever wonder? Because, right now I am. It's not like me to question God or any of his works. But I'm tired of hurting. I'm tired of not feeling good enough for this one person. I'm tired of trying to get her to understand how amazing she is. I'm just tried of everything. If I could do anything I would erase the one stupid little message, Hurt Cae decided to send, because it was getting too good to be true and she didn't want to get hurt again. Well I'm at the point to screw Hurt Cae and get hurt over and over and over again, until I learn that it's okay, it's normal for your heart to be broken. It will be okay, because Hurt Cae is horrible. She ruins the best of things.

So don't you ever wonder why God doesn't intervene to make you feel better? It makes you question how much love God really does have.

Help Support CNEER, Please!!

Hi guys!!

I volunteer at CNEER, Centeral New England Equine Rescue, and they're in the running for a 25k grant with the Pepsi Refresh. If you could vote every single day for them that would be great, just go here

http://www.refresheverything.com/cneer

Or you could always text your vote to 73774 with a message of 105988, you will get a response back from Pepsi almost instantly. Can txt in a vote once a day, All standard txt messaging rates apply. Please help CNEER!!

If you want to see some of the horses that they have rescued go to http://www.cneer.com/welcome.html

The horses thank you :)

My Mommy

My mom, or to you guys, Dawn. Well this past weekend has been a little stressful for Mom and I just wanted to dedicate this post to her, and have her understand how much I love her and how absolutely amazing she is.

1. She's always there whenever I need her.

2. She gives the amazing-est (yes that's a word) hugs ever!

3. Although she can be slightly embarrassing sometimes, I secretly love her for it.

4. She's a mother and my best friend.

5. She will stay up all night with me if I asked her to.

6. She's always there after a scary nightmare.

7. She's cleaned up countless vomit and still loves me :)

8. She is the coolest mother that I know, sorry S & J, but Mom totally beats you out, but you're close!!

9. I can blind side her, and she'll support my decision as long as it's a healthy life style.

10. She tries to do everything in the world, and gets tired doing it.

11. She puts her children first, even though we want to put her first once in a while.

12. She plans the best surprise birthdays

13. She tries not to burden us with money issues, even though you know when we have some.

14. She protects us as best as she can.

15. She is the best role-model ever.

I know this is just a small list of how amazing my mother is, but I hope she of all people will see how amazing she is, and how much I love her and look up to her. No matter what.

I love you Mommy ♥

"I'm calling from Rockfall and I have a stupid question"

"I'm calling from Rockfall, Connecticut and I have a stupid question"

That's how my phone conversation started this afternoon at work. It was a normal day, actually it was really slow, when the phone rang. So I answered the phone normally, what I did not expect was a person from Connecticut trying to find a birth certificate and a marriage license, and a new acquaintanceship.

I had to tell the patron that the Warren library is a much better library that would have the information that she was looking for, within the first five minutes, but that didn't stop her. She continued to talk to me and ask me questions about the town for another thirty minutes. This patron was so sweet, and guessed how young I was. She never got the age, but she guessed that I was a teen. She talked a little about her life, and one thing she said to me stuck out.

"You're probably going to ask why I don't write a book about my life, well if I did all of these lovely people I'm talking about would sue my ass, so I'm taking it to my grave"

I laughed several times in the conversation, a genuine laugh. By the end of the phone call I told her that she made my day, her response "Well then you must have had a very boring day hun" I laughed and told her that my day was pretty exciting, but she made it so much better.

I never knew that a phone conversation that starts with "I have a stupid question" and "There's no such thing as a stupid question" could end up talking about seven kids, five cats, and a husband. This one phone call, 24 minutes, brightened my day so much.

Happy Mother's Day

Happy mother's day Mom!

You are amazing.

You're always there for me.

Love me no matter what.

You keep your cool when I give you the worst news.

You try your very hardest with understanding me.

I always surprised you, but you never let it seem to phase you.

You wear your heart on your sleeve.

You're like my best friend.

Your world revolves around me.

You try to accommodate me as best as you can.

You give me the best hugs.

You know when I'm down, and know how to cheer me up.

You are my world Mom.

You mean everything to me.

I love you so much.

Happy Mother's Day.

Dancing in the Rain and Horseback Riding Boots

I love dancing in the rain. I guess because the water is nice, and the smell is even better. Especially when it's one of the first couple rainstorms in New England, the smell of it about to rain is so overwhelming, but it's amazing :)

It's supposed to storm here in MA today, and I can't wait. I love going out in a tank top or a tee shirt, jeans or sweatpants and just running and dancing and singing and acting like a complete dork. I will also dance in my bare feet, just because the driveway feels so nice when it's wet. I love when it rains, it's so comforting.

Also, I've been in look for tall horseback riding boots ever since my last pair broke on me :( Well I was told this past Wednesday when I was at the barn that I should be able to re-start riding next week, since the past winter has been really bad and they only have an outdoor ring. So I was so happy to hear that I was going to be riding next week, but then I realized I didn't have any boots!! So yesterday after work Mum needed to go grocery shopping and I knew that there was a tack shop over in Spencer by the Big Y, so I, explained my plan to Mum. Adding in the fact that she wouldn't have to drive and that I could drive to the Crop & Carrot and to Big Y and not kill anyone while I was driving! Mum finally said yes, so yesterday I drove to the Crop & Carrot, and let me tell you I am in love with them. I not only found a pair of my boots, they're synthetic because they were $100 cheaper, but I found boots to muck the stalls in and horseback riding gloves.

Aren't they beautiful? I love them. They are the perfect hight and the perfect price, and now I can ride this upcoming Wednesday :) I'm currently breaking them in :)

World Domination with 11 Random Hodgepodge Questions

1. What is something that bothers you if it is not done perfectly? Okay, as a perfectionist, this is a really hard question to answer, because just about everything will bug me if it's not done perfectly, thus the perfectionist here, but work. If I can't do my work perfectly it's like a mini freak-out.

2. What is one of your best childhood memories? Getting on the school bus for the first time and my grandmother giving me a Barbie stamp and I thought it was the best thing in the world and no one could touch it unless they just washed their hands and were nice to me!

3. Do you plan to watch the Royal Wedding and when was the last time you wore a hat? Yes, I just asked my mother what time I should go to bed ;) And last month, a red hat. Really cute, kind of like Supernanny's hat. Yeah I'm a dork.

4. Where do you fall in the birth order in your family? Do you think this has influenced your personality? I am the oldest, and of course it has. I'm just overall awesome and the best thing around, so I leave a shadow for my brother. Sorry bud! ;)

5. Where do you think you spend most of your money? Shoes!!! I just bought two pairs recently! They are beyond cute!!!

6. When you need to confront someone would you rather communicate in person, on the phone, by email or by letter? Why? Phone or letter. I would be too afraid of their reaction, but I wouldn't want to make it completely automated as if it was an email. So I would call them or send them a hand written letter. Maybe if it was really important ask them out for a cup of coffee and do it in public.

7. Dodge ball, freeze tag, kickball or jump rope? You have to pick one. Jump rope. Hands down.

8. Insert your own random thought here.

Clicky here.

And did anyone notice how some questions had multiple questions? So we answer like 11 questions this week.

And of course WORLD DOMINATION THEORY!!

So I established, if I inject something into my blood, something that could be activated later on to control my body movements, yeah I'm still working on that part. Anyways, so inject something into my blood, and start donating blood as do it as often as possible. Then when I'm like 90 something, just think of how many people will have some type of Cae DNA, and then I can activate the really awesome thingy I injected into my blood and then I can rule the world!!!!! *evil laughter here*

What if the glass is empty?

This past week I've had a wake-up call. After an attempt to take my own life, I was hospitalized. I spent all last week in the psych ward in the local hospital. Tuesday night, the night I was admitted into the hospital, was one of the worst nights of my life. It was tough to see how much I've hurt my parents and I was scared. I had no clue what was going to come next. I didn't know what was going to happen to me, and I had no clue when I would get home.

Wednesday was a better day. Even though, I woke up in a room other than my own, had no clue what was going on, didn't know when my parents would bring me my clothes, and was frankly just wondering how I got to this point. Everyone in the unit was nice, and the nurses were wonderful. I would attend groups every time they had one, and would try to talk to other patients. The psych unit in this hospital was small, there were only 7 people when I got there, and four were discharged within the first two days I was there. Anyways, one of my first groups that I attended was about self-esteem and how we should look at the glass half full instead of empty. So another patient was talking and I said "You know, we all should look at the glass half full, instead of empty" and the Occupational Therapist (OT) responds "What if it's completely empty?" I responded "Well then you better call over the waiter to refill your cup." The groups throughout the week were filled "half-full" comments. It became a way for everyone to joke, but still remain serious.

Throughout the week, in between groups and meals, I would have some time to think about stuff. Think about how I got here, what I need to work on, what I need to change, and how I can accomplish life when I get discharged.

Yesterday, Monday, I was discharged from the hospital. I spent one week in the adult psych ward. Do I regret going willingly? No, because I've come to terms with my illness, I've come to terms with my self-harming, and more importantly, I've come to terms with myself. When I was told that I could go, I felt strong, I still feel strong. Do I regret getting to the point that suicide was my only way out? Yes, I could have used my support lines, but decided not to. But, I've learned that getting to this point wasn't my choice. It was God's. I wouldn't have survived this past week if it wasn't for my faith.

The other thing that I've come to terms with is that I'm not going to look back and go "Man, how stupid was I." Mainly, because that's distorted thinking and the OT would not like knowing that I have distorted thinking ;) But I will look back and state how strong I was. How strong I was to have won, and to have keep on living. I might have faltered a couple times, but I've become stronger. And I know with the help of God's love and guidance and with the support from my family and friends I will even get stronger.

I want to end this blog with a little note, okay a few notes, but bear with me. God does have a plan. No matter how tough life may get, he's always with you. If you told me this I wouldn't believe you, especially in the psych ward, but when I had deja vu in the middle of one of my groups. I knew that God was watching out from me ever since I was born.

Also, a problem is always temporary. No matter how big it is. You would never want to make a permanent solution to a temporary problem, right? (see nurse, I do listen!)

These are my last two words of wisdom. One from a fortune cookie that I ate yesterday and one from a friend.

"Stay in touch, above all, with how you feel" - fortune cookie

"Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle."

Oh, and remember that if your glass is ever half-empty or just empty call the waiter over to refill it for you!

God bless,

Cae ♥

Day of Silence

Today is April 15, 2011. This date isn't a huge day, it's just a normal Friday for most people, but for those who support the GSA, LGBT, and GLSEN today is a day of silence. A day of not talking in support against bullying against LGBT. Now, this is the first year I'm participating in it, and is it already a challenge. Bro #1 is talking to me non-stop, but I'll get through today. I did make an exception to talk at work, because I need to answer phones, but I will not talk non-stop. I shall do this, and will not fail.

If you would like to get involved, check out their website at www.dayofsilence.org.

If you're already involved, good luck!

Cae

ps Bro #1 just attempted to force me to tell him how many finger's he's holding up.

Wednesday Hodgepodge

1. Sunday was the first day of spring. So they say. Ahem.

What is your favorite outdoor springtime activity? I love to just sit out on the grass and read a book. I love the warmth of the sun and the book makes it so much better. Especially if it's a really good book, like Goddess Games by Niki Burnham or To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee or even The Reincarnation of Peter Proud by Max Ehrlich.

2. Who would you want to come into your kitchen to cook dinner for you? Gavin Kaysen, he's actually kind of cute also :)

3. When did you last fly a kite? A long time ago, maybe I'll do that this spring, it sounds fun :)

4. What topic puts you to sleep faster than anything? Math, for sure - - - Does that count? I'm usually good, unless you're a boring speaker then I'll sleep, but if I'm reading it it'll be either math or latin that would put me to sleep. Most other topics are okay, well unless you go into like law and trying to understand everything, but that's just confusing!!!

5. Which flowers do you associate with specific people, places, or events? My boss loves Stargazer Lilly, so whenever I hear or look or smell Stargazer Lilly I immediately think of Susan. For example, I was listening to the book Hotel on the Corner Bitter and Sweet by Jaime Ford and Henry, the main character in the book, would always buy a Stargazer Lilly for his mother and I was always would think of Susan explaining how she loved Stargazer Lilly :)

6. What significant historical events took place during your elementary school days? 9/11 would probably be the most significant historical event.

7. Do you swear? Do you pseudo-swear? (You know crap, shoot, friggin'?) You do know my mother reads this blog correct? Yes I do, I'll do a little both, but not a lot. I should really stop that.

8. Insert your own random thought here.

Happy Saint Patrick's Day!

6 things (about 4.75 pounds) of corned beef are cooking (one in Irish Red :) )

5 pounds of carrots peeled and chopped and ready to cook when the potatoes arrive.

Ingredidents assembled to make Aunt Florence's Irish Soda Bread :D

"Slice & butter while hot, close your eyes, and you'll think that you're in Auntie's kitchen" - Best way to eat Irish Soda Bread :D

Day so far? Busy beyond belief - - - Cooking for a homeless shelter on my father's favorite holiday, is not as easy as it seems!! I can't wait until Mum comes home to attempt to help me!

I'm wearing my ORANGE necklace, my GREEN bracelet & GREEN "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways" shirt, and my toe nails are painted BLUE. For your information. Blue was the first color before green, and orange is what Irish Protestants wear.

Póg dom, tá mé Gaeilge! ♥

Coffeeeeeee

I've been going non-stop since Friday morning. Well I've been at work, and then I've been working on the work web site, because we had to get a new one up on Wordpress.com, so I've been beyond busy working on that. Then Saturday morning I had a Girl Scout booth sale down in CT, which was a long drive down, but totally worth it, because I felt so good after seeing all my friends and spending the whole day with them. I didn't get home until late, because I visited my grandfather in the next town over and then I finally got home. Yesterday, Sunday was a bad bad day. I went to church, missing an hour of sleep :/ and then we had to pick Z up for his birthday, and it went very well, I even met a girl who's father has a sugar shack and she's about my age and really awesome.

I finished a book called The Anorexia Diaries, and it was really good. It's the diaries from a mom and her daughter getting over her daughter's teenager Anorexia & Bulimia. It was kind of scary on how much I could actually relate to Tara's (the teen) feelings. It was almost like reading what I've been feeling for a while on paper. It was absolutely scary, but it was a really good book.

Well I've been on longer than I should have and need to get to work to run my story time!! Like I said, I've been going nonstop since Friday, and losing an hour of sleep isn't helping me. I guess being so busy is a good thing, because I have a massive problem with not wanting to let people so down, so as long as I'm busy I hope my mind won't even wander to the thought of suicide.

Is Your Mustard Seed Planted? - Sermon

Is Your Mustard Seed Planted?

Today is Scouting Sunday, while you’re in scouting, you’re on a journey. You don’t know where this journey will bring you, or how this journey will affect you, or how long this journey might take you. The journey you take will not be the same journey that your best friend Sue will take. It will not affect you the same way it affected your buddy Bob. Each journey is different. While you’re on your scouting journey, you may cross paths with your faith journey. They may intersect many times, or maybe they’ll only intersect once.

Every scout has a scouting journey, but everyone has a faith journey. Like I said, a little different for each and every one of us. Now I can’t tell you where your journey is going to take you - - - I don’t even know where mine is taking me, but I found a perfect quote the other day. To give you, me, everyone a little bit of hope. “If you God brings you to it, He’ll help you through it.” This, I believe, is the truth. God knows how strong we are, and he believes in us. We just need to believe in him and ourselves.

Now my faith and scouting journey have intersected many times. Today, I would like to talk about my faith journey, and how it’s affected me and my scouting journey. My faith journey started the Sunday that my parents baptized me in the sanctuary of United Churches of Durham. Once I turned three, I started Sunday School. I would listen, intently, to Mrs. Newton give the children’s message; I would run to class with the other kids; and then I would learn about the Bible and God.

I remember one Sunday, I was probably four, I told my mother, very adamantly, that “I did NOT believe in God!” Thus I wasn’t going to go to church. My mother was less than happy to hear this. Looking back to that day, I don’t even remember why I said it. I probably wanted to stay at home with my father and help him with yard work or wanted a ride on the lawnmower. Clearly my four year old self didn’t know what she was saying, or how God would impact her life later on.

I don’t remember when I started liking church and wanting to go, but it happened. It must have been around the time I started Jr. Choir. What better incentive could there possible be, other than being in a choir?! Or maybe it was Heifer International. I also loved when we did Heifer. We would do Heifer during Lent and use Heifer’s Lenten Calendar, which would tell us to do something every day and put a specific amount of money into the ark if we had the item or did what it said. I would bring the ark home and always try to get the most money in it. My favorite day during the time of Lent would be the day that told me to call my mother. For every time she responded I would put something like 10 cents in, and for every time she didn’t respond I would put 5 cents in. I’m sure my mother’s thoughts on this day are the complete opposite from mine!

As a kid I looked at church just as a place where we went every Sunday, sang a little, prayed a little, learned a little, and talked a lot, well at least Mom did! I never understood how my father was allowed to skip church, because of yard work, but I wouldn’t skip church to help my father! We did a lot of missions with the church, you know, Heifer, The Crop Walk, Operation Christmas Child. I was always enthusiastic for missions, they were fun! In 2002, United Churches of Durham started a new missions trip. They went down to Eastern Kentucky to build low income housing. The most memorable memory about going down to Kentucky was when I had to ask my minister a question. I remember repeating his title in my head as I found him. I looked up to our minister, literally, and went “Mr. Reverend Riggles do you have a hammer?” Just saying Mr. Reverend was almost impossible for the seven year old self, only to be corrected by him “Caelyn, you can call me Elven.” With Elven saying that, it made me close to God, Jesus, and him. If I could call the minister of our church by his first name, then what does that mean I can accomplish with God and Jesus, if I just got to know them a little better? With being able to call Elven, Even, it made me feel a little bit closer to Jesus and God, physically. That whole revelation added to my love of church, religion, and the congregation.

I went to church faithful. Sure there was a Sunday or two when I was camping or playing a sport, but for most of the time I would be sitting in the usual pew in the balcony with my family. It was only recently that I felt bad when I missed church, or couldn’t make it to Senior or Chancel Choir. When I was thirteen, my mother got us into the Bible Study at church. Bible Study was every Thursday morning. We would always talk about whatever we learned, and I would usually sit and just listen, and the next thing you know Elven would be weighing in and saying something about how the beginning of whatever we were talking about dates back to 637 A.D. Anything with Elven will turn into a history lesson! I remember one morning at Bible Study we started talking about Christmas versus Xmas, and how the X takes Christ out of Christmas. Evidently the X in Xmas is the abbreviation for Christos, which is the Greek word for Christ. So we aren’t taking Christ out of Christmas when we write Xmas. Now Elven explained a lot more than I just did, but I was amazed at how much history one small little word, a letter really, could contain.

When I was fourteen, I started confirmation. Within confirmation class, I learned a little bit of everything in Christianity and “my” church, I learned the 66 books of the Bible to the difference of Congregationalist to Methodist to how many organ pipes there are in the sanctuary. If you were wondering, that are 29 organ pipes in the sanctuary of United Churches of Durham, so if you’re ever down in Durham. Stop by and make sure they’re all present and accounted for.

Taking confirmation got me thinking how differently my relationship with God would be, if I started actually putting my heart into praying, and how much more I could understand Biblically if I started reading the Bible every day. Thus I started both. When I pray I think about the whole day and hold a conversation with God. The same conversation you would have with your parents when you got home from school and explain every bit and piece of how the day went. I told God about the good parts and the bad parts. Sure I asked Him for nice weather, or for me to pass the next test in whatever subject it was in. Then I waited for a response. My eyes would still be closed, my hands still folded, my head still bowed. The only sound in my room would be my breathing. Sure I haven’t gotten a response yet, but waiting for a response makes the conversation from a one-way conversation to a two-way conversation.

After confirmation, not only did I believe in God more, but I understood more about church, why we do the things we do. Why we call it a meeting house instead of a sanctuary, and of course the most important thing. How many organ pipes there are. Some days I think of how long my faith journey has been and where it’ taken me, but then I think of where it’s going to take me and the years to come, the years to add onto my relationship with God, and my beliefs.

In scouting they have an award called God and Me. There are four levels of this award, and this award has a different curriculum for each denomination. I’ve gotten two out of the four awards for the Congregationalist religion. This was probably the first time that my two journeys intersected. I was a Junior in Girl Scouts when I got my first God and Me award. I remember standing at the front of the church, with my award in hand, in line with all of the other scouts as Mom took pictures and the congregation applauded all of us.

After the God and Me program, my faith journey and scouting journey intersected many times. When we went down to Kentucky one year I was in the middle of my Miss Fix It badge. When I first looked at all of the requirements for the badge I didn’t know how I was going to get it all done. I knew it was possible, but didn’t know when I would have the time, but that one week in Kentucky allowed me to get the badge, and more!


Another benefit from Kentucky, was I’ve gotten stronger. Whenever I go to an item that is heavy, I’m usually told “Caelyn, that’s pretty heavy, we’ll let a guy take it.” I usually give the person a look and then say “Well, it has it be lighter than a roof truss, right?” and walk away with the item in hand. You can only imagine how many people I confuse with stating that an item is lighter than a roof truss.

I’ve spent countless hours and days with Troop 27 in Durham helping out with leaf clean-up and community dinners at both United Churches of Durham and the Church of Epiphany. Of course I love leaf clean-up, because that means we would have a huge pile of leaves. Much better than any pile of leaves we could make at home. I just couldn’t let a pile like that pass right by me, could I?

Both Girl Scouts and Boy Scouts include our “Duty to God” in their promises. Even though they both do, Girl Scouts puts an asterisk next to the word “God”. In Girl Scouts, you may change the word “God” to whatever you feel most comfortable saying. While in Boy Scouts there is no asterisk next to the word “God” at all! In Connecticut, there is a person who will sit on some Eagle Board of Review and will ask: “Do you believe in God?” If the scout says no, this person will not accept his Eagle, because for at least 10 years of this scout’s life he’s been making a promise that he will be reverent and will do his duty to God. In Boy Scouts, God means the one that we read about in the Bible, the one who gave us Jesus. There is no asterisk in the Boy Scout promise or law.

When I promise to do my duty to God, I often think of John F. Kennedy’s Inaugural address. He said: “It’s not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country.” I think of what I can do for God, instead of what God can do for me. It almost seems that we can so easily ask God to do something for us, but it’s much harder to do something for God. I ask myself why this is, all the time, but I still haven’t come up with an answer. I’ve come to a point in my faith journey, where I want to do something for God. I want to help Him out in a small way somehow, don’t you?

While I was writing this sermon, I asked Mom to look through it a couple time and give me some suggestions and hints on how to make it longer. One of her suggestions were “Would Jesus have been a scout?” Now this got me thinking, because in scouting a lot of our beliefs are based off of Jesus, God, and Christianity. I’m going to say yes, Jesus would have been a scout. Today we strive to be the best person we can be in and out of scouting. We strive to be nice, responsible, reverent, polite, clean, physical fit, and much, much, more. All of these are bits and pieces of how Jesus would have acted. Jesus and Christianity set us a standard of how we should act. A standard that we all strive to meet, so yes, Jesus would have been a scout.

Another great scouting quality Jesus taught us was leadership. I’ve grown as a leader in scouting, when I first started scouting at 5, leadership meant nothing to me, all it was, was another vocab word. But as I grew up in scouting, I also learned what leadership was, and leadership helped me grow. Leadership in scouting started out as being in charge of snack and organizing that, but it has grown into helping out with Sunday School, sitting on a committee at church, and being able to help out with a church service. All of these things have just entered into my life within the past two years. Since coming to this church, I had never preached. Never thought I would preach. I never helped out with Sunday School or sat on a committee, but I do now. My leadership has grown up with me, and if I keep this growing rate up at this speed, you’ll be looking at your next president. My leadership has grown, just like my faith.

I was trying to think of a good way to explain how my faith journey has grown and expanded, and I was stuck until my mom was talking to me about some new idea that she came up with at three in the morning. Her title of this new idea was “The Mongoose and The Mustard Plant.” That was it! I thought. I finally knew how to explain and sum up my faith journey!

My faith journey started out as a mustard seed, for me. As I grew up, I attended church and activities with church. Every time I attended church, an activity, or a missions trip, my seed got some water and some sun. Every time it got some water and some sun, it would grow a little bit. Eventually, when my faith journey stops, my mustard seed will have become a giant mustard tree with deep roots into the ground, showing how much faith I’ve gained within my life. So here’s my last question to you.

Does faith start out with a tabulae rasa, a blank slate, or has God already planted you mustard seed?