Cherish the Moment's

This weeks Flashback Friday from Mocha with Linda kind of surprised me (a good surprise Linda) because I just finished writing an article about how cancer has touched my life, so this week the Flashback should be really good. ☺

"How old were you (approximately) when you attended your first funeral? Did your parents shield you from death and grief or was it viewed as a natural part of life? Did you experience any significant loss(es) in your growing up years? What were your early impressions of death and dying? And while I do not intend this in any irreverent way, are there any amusing memories associated with a death or funeral? If you have kids, how have you handled this subject with them? Feel free to share as vulnerably or as shallowly as you want!"

My first funeral was in the end of 2001/early 2002 (I don't remember) it was for my grandmother, who passed away in October 2001 from Esophageal Cancer. My mom didn't really want me to go to her funeral, but I still went. When I was at the funeral itself, I was fine for the beginning, until people started talking about how great my grandmother was, and then I lost it. Mom and my aunt were trying comfort me throughout the whole funeral, it didn't really work. Once the funeral was all done, and the after party was done it was kind of quite, but we had my grandmother cremated (her wishes) and she wanted to be dumped at Hawks Nest Beach in Old Lyme, CT. So we then went to Hawk's Nest in April-ish, Garvin was good enough to not only allow us to spread my grandmother's ashes, but also let us use one of his boats, and he drove us out in the water. While we were in the sound, we all grabbed a flower (I grabbed grandma's favorite just by fluke)


I grabbed a Baby's Breath, when we made it to the area in which my grandmother wanted to be dumped (okay, I can't think of a better word!) my grandfather and mother dumped her ashes and everyone threw their flowers into the water. The boat ride wasn't as bad, because my family has a cottage with it.



I knew that she would always be with me whenever I swim in the sound during the summer.


November 2007, my great-grandmother, aka Grammie fell down her stairs in Florida, and couldn't get up. She was found the next day by a friend who visits daily. Grammie had multiple broken bones, and was in the hospital for a while. She died Thanksgiving night, we had her funeral was up in CT, and was a very small family funeral.

As a kid, especially after my grandmother died, I thought everyone lost the battle with cancer, and that death was always following you around. I missed my grandmother deeply after she died for a good couple months. I've finally have come to peace with death, it's still in my life, and I'll still grieve every time someone close to me dies, but I will also continue living my life.

Now that was the flashback, check out how cancer has affected my life, with the article that I've written.

Don't Give Up!

There are many different types of cancer (and different ways to cause cancer). There is Esophageal Cancer, Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma, Breast Cancer, and Medulloblastoma, just to name a few. Living with cancer in your life is hard, even if you aren’t the one who is diagnosed with it. June 2001 my grandmother, Linda, was diagnosed with Esophageal Cancer.

In August 2001 Linda had to have a feeding tube placed. Alan a family friend who was also battling cancer at the age of 8 and also had a feeding tube, came to her hospital room and showed her how to use, clean, and care for her feeding tube. When Alan showed my grandmother how to do this, it gave us all a little bit of hope, and also put Alan in a special place in my heart. The last bite of solid food my grandmother ate was in October 2001. I made her a batch of Pillsbury slice-n-bake cookies (our signature dish). She had one bite and hid the rest from me. Because she didn’t want me to see that she couldn’t eat a whole cookie, but also wanted to show me that she loved the thought. I didn’t learn that she hid the cookie until a couple years ago, although it made me realize how bad cancer has affect her, it also made me realize that she loved me then, loves me still and it watching over me today.

My grandmother died a couple weeks later in her bedroom, after we just received a call from her brother, saying he couldn’t make it home in time. Friends and family were in the house and were with her during her last days. When my grandmother died, not only did I lose my grandmother, but I also lost a close friend. My grandmother was also the first person in my life that I have lost, and with the close connection between us was very hard on me. I still think of her constantly.

My best friend’s mom, Shirley, was diagnosed with Non-Hodgkin's B Cell Lymphoma in 2003. It was hard on my friend, but it was also hard on me, because Shirley was like a second mother to me, and after just losing my grandmother a couple years before cancer was still fresh in my life. I also knew what my friend was going through, so I was always there for her, if she ever needed me. In 2004 my family went down to Florida, and were then surprised to be getting a call learning that Shirley had finished her chemo and wanted to celebrate it with us and go on a canoe trip. Shirley and her family made their way down to Florida and met up with us. We spent about a week celebrating Shirley ending Chemo. Knowing that Shirley won made me realize that you can win the battle against cancer, and not everyone dies.

I have never had cancer myself, but it has been in my life enough. Unfortunately I can name others who have both won and lost the battle. It’s hard for the person who is battling cancer, but it’s also hard on the friends and family of that person. When I lost my grandmother, I was six and didn’t really understand cancer but I knew how hard it is to live your life, but also care for the person with cancer. Now, unfortunately, I know what cancer is and what it does to a person and can do to their family. I, also, know that cancer can bring feelings of sadness, happiness, hopefulness, and sometimes grief. The most important thing that I learned with having cancer in my life is Cherish the moments you have, because you don’t know when they’ll be gone.

For more information about cancer go to http://www.cancer.org/

By C ♥

♥ Cherish the moments you have, because you don't know when they'll be gone ♥

April 19-20, 2009 to April 19-20, 2010

Since I moved a year ago, I figured I would write a comparison of April 19-20. The two days that when I moved.

~.:April 19, 2009:.~

I woke up early, sat up on my mattress (my bed's in storage). Today mom is going to give the sermon today at church. I grabbed a pair of jeans, my dark blue & white stripped shirt, and my hot pink wedge heals out of the blue travel duffel bag. We left for church at 9:15. I wasn't singing in the choir today, because I knew I was going to cry, so I sat next to Jill instead. I waited in the narthex for Squid. I was always asked about the house, if I liked it, and if I wanted to move from people who knew my family. Squid never showed, so around 9:50 I walked over to the pew next to the organ. i sat on the red pew cushion, and waited for Jill. I kept my composure, until my mom went up and started her sermon.

"People use the phrase bittersweet to explain such a time of change in one’s life, but perhaps for us it is a little more bitter than sweet. But such a move is just another part of our faith journey." My mom said. Jill gave me a tissue then said "Cae, look at the congregation. . .They're crying. Cae, your dad is crying."

"Jill, my dad doesn't cry, he never cries," I said as I looked, sure enough some of the members of the congregation were crying. I looked across the church and looked up to the balcony. Sure enough my dad was crying, I lost all of my composure when I saw my dad crying, he never shows emotions. After church Erika took some photos of the family with Jill & Elven, the As, and the Ts.



We were just about to leave at 12 when mom said she needed to head to the market. She went over and saw Mrs. A (Squid Moms). Squid was with Mrs. A, so she and I hugged and cried in front of the church. "Cae, don't cry, because then I'll cry" Squid said as I cried and hugged. "Too late" I said as we hugged. "I'm going to miss you" I said as we hugged more. Finally when we were semi-composed we said goody. Once back home, I was sad, but as mom said "bittersweet"

~.:April 20, 2009:.~

I got dressed, pulled out jeans, hot pink wedge heals, My blue v cut short sleeve shirt, and my pink University of Hartford sweatshirt. Mr. Dattilo (our Realtor) came to the house around 8:00 as we were trying to pack the vehicles up and find our cat. At 11:00 the house was completely empty, well except for one basket and our cat. Just as we left the home owners pulled in to do a last walk through. We drove to Perk on main, to have a visit with Erika & her mom. Squid left a gift for me, since she had a horseback riding lesson. I opened my first and it was a pair of lounging pants with the towns name on the left pant leg. After mom and I went back to our house, to see that Bandit (our cat) came out, so mom got the cat and I changed into my new pants. We made it up to Massachusetts by 1:00 we had my grandfather follow us up, with stuff in his car. When we pulled into the driveway my new next door neighbor came over with her mom.
"Hi, I'm Meagan," Megan said "Hi, I'm Cae" I responded I just stood. Meagan and I talked until Meagan's mom said that they should let us unpack. Once I knew that there was a girl my age next door to us, I knew that we moved to the right place.

~.:April 19, 2010:.~

My hair was in two braid from last night. I took the braids out, and my hair was immediately wavy. I found a pair of jeans, my 3/4 sleeve shirt, and a pair of flip flops. I had work today until 5. It was also Patriot's Day (the day that messed up the whole house buying process up here), so it was a slow day at the library. I spent the day doing stuff I loved, reading, writing, cooking, and watching Survivor! I went for a long walk down my street, realizing what I gained up here in Massachusetts.

~.:April 20, 2010:.~

I woke up and dug around my closet for a pair of jeans, and a tee-shirt. Once those were found I went and took a shower. I got dressed and quickly braided my wet hair, and walked downstairs. Today is a boring day, not doing much of anything. I went on another long walk down my road, just thinking about moving and that since moving here, it was a really good thing for me, and that since moving I've been able to do much more things than, when I lived in Connecticut. I spent the rest of the day reading and playing outside with my next door neighbor. Compared to last year, this year was a lot more easier, and less stressful.


Since moving, I have learned a lot of things about life, and my relationship with God. Most of it because I moved, and it was hard on the teenager I am. I also have been able to excel in thing, and be able to do stuff that I wouldn't be allowed to do in Durham. I've gotten a job, written a book, made new friends, and gained a whole second hometown.

When I first moved to Massachusetts, I just about found something wrong with everything, and when I couldn't find something wrong with it I could just say "It's not like Connecticut" and I would be right. I have now realized that Massachusetts isn't as bad as I thought it was going to be, I've been able to grow in many ways, and I love it here!

Cae ♥

Playing with Picnik

Okay, so a couple of weeks ago my mom decided to upgrade on Picnik.com, which I love just because I can edit photos and all of that fun stuff :) While going through the slides, I came across some with my grandmother in them. See my grandmother died in October 2001 from cancer because she smoked. She has been missed dearly in my life, and I figured I need some pictures of her. I made this picture using lyrics from Forever and Ever Amen by Randy Travis, her favorite song from Randy Travis. I'm going to frame this picture and put it up in the middle of my picture collage on my bedroom, just so I know that I will always remember her :)

This picture is one of my favorites of her, I think she's in Bermuda, but I don't know. I edited this one a little on Photoshop.com.
Do you like editing pictures? Want to show me some of your work?

For more edit pictures that I have completed check out my DeviantArt AuRevoirDurham.

Until Next Time
C ♥